Brothers, the rules are changing.
We’re grappling with who we are and what is being asked of us. We're learning that many of the ways we were taught to be men are harmful and leave us feeling isolated, insecure, and ashamed.
The Uncrowned is a 6-week peer support training to equip you with the tools and strategies you need to build healthy relationships, navigate your inner world, and cultivate a team of men that have your back.
Registrations for both an online and a Seattle-based cohort are now open.
ARE YOU STILL PLAYING THE DOMINANCE GAME?
YOU CAN'T GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL WITH OLD STRATEGIES
We learned what was expected of us when we were boys. They told us there was a certain way to be a man. Through praise and punishment they drilled the strategies of the Dominance game into our bones:
- Men prove their manhood by dominating others
- Men hide their weaknesses and never admit fault
- Men deny and suppress their feelings
With every playground interaction we gained status or risked humiliation. We learned to see other boys as rivals and threats. We learned to see girls as objects of conquest.
Through high school and beyond the game continued, shaping us into the men we would become.
We are not inherently fragile, immature, and harmful
WE WERE NEVER TAUGHT THE SKILLS WE NEEDED TO BUILD HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Dominance strategies keep us isolated and anxious. We learn that it's shameful to ask for help, reveal our feelings, or fail to prove our manhood.
Or, we reject the Dominance game entirely and overcompensate by giving up our ability to be assertive and confident.
Either way we are consumed by our anger, shame, and despair.
We numb out with booze, weed, porn, tv, and video games. We suffer in silence until we break.
We pull away when shit gets real because we don’t have the tools or capacity to stay in it. We withdraw. We shutdown. We lash out.
Be bigger than the men who let you down
OUR FATHERS' GENERATION IS TOO ENTRENCHED IN THE DOMINANCE GAME TO GUIDE US
The men who taught me how to be a man are breaking down. Lifetimes of unexpressed grief and shame made them detached, bitter, and volatile. They lack the capacity to listen, grow, and repair the harm they caused.
The world they grew up in no longer exists. They can't cope with the normal transitions of aging and maturity, let alone the radical change we're facing at this moment.
Even men of that generation who are less hostile still default to making awkward jokes or changing the subject when the conversation gets too real.
Shit is too heavy for them because the Dominance game destroyed their ability to adapt. It's on us to imagine and define new paths forward.
We can't follow men who are looking backwards.
Kyle says...
"There are so many other sensitive men in this world, just like me, who feel out of place in the current mainstream culture of masculinity. I always felt like I was the only one, but men have shown up from all different backgrounds longing for a deeper connection with their brothers."
I build teams of skillful, supportive men
PEER SUPPORT PODS ARE THE ANTIDOTE TO THE DOMINANCE GAME
Bad things keep happening. It's a goddamn mess out there. The stoic hero "alone against the world" bullshit we were raised with fails spectacularly against the complex social challenges we face daily. It's time for a new approach.
Here's my vision: small teams of skillful, caring men who support each other to step up and face change directly.
- Men who build each other up instead of break each other's balls.
- Men who normalize asking for help and talking about mental health issues.
- Men who hold each other accountable with integrity and compassion.
Peer Support Pods are agile, interdependent social structures for men to practice the skills and strategies we need to be resilient, capable, and relevant in a changing world.
Dimitri says...
"Being in the group has helped me to identify when I feel unsafe and allowed me to respond properly to those feelings. Instead of going into fight mode or shutting down, I can identify that I feel threatened, question why, and take the time to make space for myself rather than automatically push back."
Our role is shifting from speaking to listening
FEEDBACK IS A GIFT: IF WE'RE ABLE TO HEAR, PROCESS, AND INTEGRATE IT
As men we're being asked to slow down, to listen, to track our impact, and to reckon with our beliefs and behaviors.
Listening is a skill most of us never learned because the Dominance game trains us to fake confidence by speaking up when we have nothing to say. We can't risk looking weak by not having an answer (or worse, asking questions).
Hearing new perspectives reveals aspects of ourselves we may be afraid to see (as I definitely learned on my own personal journey).
You don't have to navigate these complex social dynamics alone. By joining a Peer Support Pod you'll have the support to ask questions, understand the issues, and stretch your comfort zone for difficult conversations in personal and professional relationships.
Erik says...
"Of course it sounds awkward and uncomfortable. As men we have been taught to hide our emotions, act tough, not cry, or show weakness. It takes courage to open up. Sharing what my heart has been carrying always makes my body feel lighter and less tense at the end of the session."
A Peer Support Pod is like a dojo for your feelings
HOW IT WORKS
You know how it is: you get a few guys in a room, we size each other up, try to figure out who's a threat and who is safe. It's exhausting. And alienating.
A Peer Support Pod is a powerful way to disrupt this Dominance ritual and create enough safety for us to learn to trust each other.
Just like a martial arts dojo, a Peer Support Pod is a structured, low risk space for us to practice new ways of relating to one another.
WHAT TO EXPECT
The Uncrowned is a guided training to discover and unlearn the Dominance strategies that block us from connection.
- When your training starts you'll get access to an online course with weekly video updates to support your practice and a Discord channel created specifically for your pod.
- We'll meet for a two-hour practice session every week for eight weeks.
- Each cohort is unique and limited to ten men. Who you are and what you bring to each session will shape the experience.
- I'll facilitate group discussions with themes, questions, and prompts that illuminate different aspects of the Dominance game
- You’ll also work one-on-one with other participants to practice new Peer Support skills each week
- I'll provide guided solo practices to help you clarify your values, uncover hidden beliefs, and learn to build supportive relationships.
ONGOING SUPPORT
We won't leave you hanging after the training. Participants who complete the training successfully are invited to join The Uncrowned membership community on Discord. You'll be able to continue your journey with community support, deep dives, and monthly practice sessions.
Since so much of our communication in relationships is text-based, learning to provide clear, thoughtful support over text is a vital skill.
You'll have the tools, confidence, and support you need to bring this training into your personal and professional life.
How we co-create the Peer Support Pod experience
STEP ONE: READ THE ROOM AND ESTABLISH TRUST
We've all been that guy at one time or another. The guy that doesn't get it. The guy that says the wrong thing. The guy that kills the vibe.
Social anxiety is no joke. We can reduce that anxiety by defining an intentional space with clear boundaries, agreements, and shared intentions.
Mindfully tracking social context helps us to create spaces safe enough for authentic connection.
You'll learn to...
- Understand the power dynamics that shape groups and relationships
- Know and honor your limits with by setting boundaries
- Cultivate deeper intimacy and trust by making space to hear and say no in your relationships
STEP TWO: LISTEN WITHOUT TRYING TO FIX EACH OTHER
It can be overwhelming to try to offer emotional support, especially if we feel like we don't know what we're doing.
It can be even scarier to receive support! Asking for help challenges our Dominance game programming.
Breaking support down to a teachable system makes it easier to practice.
You'll learn to...
- Build bonds of trust with other men
- Give and receive support with the core practices of deep listening, reflection, and validation
- Reduce your shame with powerful self-compassion practices
STEP THREE: SOAK UP THAT SWEET, SWEET SEROTONIN
Humans are a cooperative species. Connection makes us feel good. Conflict stresses us out.
To stay in connection and navigate conflict we need to be able to understand and share what we're feeling in real time.
It can be really frustrating to not be able to put our experience into words so that we have an opportunity to feel seen and understood.
You'll learn to...
- Share your experience without getting stuck in your head
- Pump the brakes before you overreact and damage trust in your relationships
- Identify and name your feelings and needs
Chris says...
"I was afraid of being vulnerable in front of men I didn’t know. This group has turned out to be great and I’m a lot more comfortable being vulnerable around strangers. It went from being something that felt like work at the beginning to a source of camaraderie and comfort."
FAQ
Is this just going to be a bunch of guys talking over each other?
What if I can't make it to all of the sessions?
If I start to feel my feelings will I fall into an abyss I can never escape?
Dude, I quit things. And this looks like work.
How is this different from other groups for men?
My Dad is great. Can I still be in the group?
Life is a multi-player experience
MASTER THE STRATEGIES YOU NEED TO THRIVE IN A CHANGING WORLD
The Uncrowned is a collaborative training experience for men who are ready to reject the harmful strategies of the Dominance game.
I won't lie to you: this training is work. But on the other side of this work is the inner strength that comes from true self-esteem.
- You can be strong without being a bully and sensitive without being a pushover.
- You can be guided by your emotions, not ruled by them.
- You can support and be supported by other men, not in competition with them.
I'll be with you every step of the way. You'll have the skills, support, and encouragement you need to create healthy relationships, realize your potential, and adapt to a changing world.
Your team is waiting. Are you ready?
I recognize that a 6-week course is an investment of both time and money. I'm available for a free 20-minute intro call if you want to connect with me and make sure this training is a good fit for you before you commit.
Not ready yet?
Stay connected with our email newsletter. I'll keep you updated on The Uncrowned (including upcoming events and trainings). I won't sell your info or bomb you with sales emails.
